Tisa, age 47, is a Deputy Director of Learning & Development. She is divorced and lives in New Jersey.
What is your first or strongest hair memory?
My older sister washing my hair and me yelling for my mother because I thought she was trying to drown me.
What is your favorite or best hair memory?
About six years ago, I graduated from seminary and my natural hair was in the best two-strand twist ever.
What did you learn and believe about your hair from your mother?
My parents were pastors, so we were set up as examples, I learned that my hair should look pretty and be “done”. It should be pressed or braided. You don’t go out with your hair “undone”.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from family and friends?
I had a lot of hair and I always got compliments on it. My sister did my hair and when my family and neighbors saw my hair, they wanted my sister to do their hair. It worked because my sister liked doing hair.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from society and media?
I learned that longer was better and to be considered professional, it had to be straight.
What were your favorite hair styles in your elementary and high school years?
In elementary school, I wore ponytails or parted down the center with two braids. I was a senior in high school before I got my first perm because my mother wouldn’t let me get one any earlier. Once my sister got married and left home, my mother regularly sent me to the beauty parlor for a press and curl. So with the press and curl, I wore it loose or in ponytails with bangs until it started to revert, then she sent me back. My mother didn’t do my hair.
Were your ever teased or ridiculed about your hair?
My sister braided my hair in different styles and added beads and I got a lot of attention and compliments. But, some girls were jealous and made comments such as “you think you cute”. When I was 12, I got jumped by some girls. They were on top of me pulling at my braids and pulling all the beads out of my hair.
After I started going to the beautician, my press and curl was so shiny and straight that people accused me of wearing a wig. I think she used that blue grease and it looked like a silk press. I wasn’t offended by the wig comment, I remember thinking, “I know..right?!”
Looking back, what is your funniest hair experience? It may not have been funny then, but it’s funny now.
I was a teenager and decided to dye my hair ash brown. My parents were out. I put the dye on, sat down on the couch, and fell asleep sitting straight up like a drug addict! When I woke up I panicked because the dye had been on too long. After I washed it out, my hair was bleached blonde and even white in some sections. At first, I was nervous, but after I looked at it for a while, I started to like it. Then my parents came home…..
Were you ever made to feel ashamed or wrong about your hair?
My parents came home and immediately interpreted this as an act of rebellion. Remember, I’m a pastors’ daughter and I was supposed to be an example for others to follow. So, I was literally brought to the front of the church and chastised for being rebellious. I was relieved of my duties, such as teaching Sunday school and working with the youth. Although it was embarrassing, I honestly didn’t care because I thought my hair was cute.
In my 20s, I cut it low and it was faded on the sides. My mother thought I was coming out of the closet. I went to visit her at her church and one of the deacons didn’t recognize me. He started praying for me because he thought I was gay. My mother had to tell him that I was her daughter.
Oprah tells a story about losing her hair after a bad perm. Do you have any hair tragedies?
Yes, a few tragedies. In high school, I didn’t comb my hair from the roots. I brushed it into a quick ponytail on the surface. A patch of hair in the back got matted and fell out. I nursed it back with eggs and mayonnaise.
I was in grad school and I was also working full time and I was under a lot of stress. My hair broke off from stress and I just cut it off. I remember another time, I had braids and the fake hair fused to my own hair and I couldn’t take them out, so I just cut them off. It never bothered me to cut off my hair and start all over.
At one point, I grew it out and started going to Dominican doobie shops. I remember my hair coming out in my hands. I cried like a baby. I think it was the relaxer they used and the high heat. I wore protective styles, braids and weaves for two years.
What were your favorite hairstyles in your 20s and 30s?
In my 20s, I wore African headwraps. This was in the early 90s, years before Erykah Badu. I cut it short and then brushed it into waves and wore a du-rag. When it began to grow out I texturized it and wore it wavy and tapered on the sides. That was one of my favorite styles. My 30s were my married years, and although I grew out my natural hair, that was my weave and wig era. I had a whole collection of wigs.
What transitions have you been through?
Ponytails, press and curl, relaxer, braids throughout my life, fades, short to long at least five times, weaves, wigs, natural and now locks
Have you made any drastic decisions about your hair? If so, were they tied to anything happening in your life at that time?
I decided to lock it post-separation/divorce. I wanted to reinvent myself and emerge with a new look and I had already done everything else. I didn’t want to cut it all off again and I wanted something I never had before. I’m still not a fan of the locks, I do miss my big hair. I keep them because I no longer feel like doing my hair. It’s easy but I also think it’s boring.
Have you ever allowed your hair to stop you from doing something you wanted to do?
I’m sure I’ve not gone somewhere that I wanted to go because my hair wasn’t done.
What do you believe about your hair now?
At this point in my life, my hair is too much trouble and not worth my time and money, which is why I’m sticking with the locks. As I said, I had a lot of hair and I spent a lot of time and money on it over the years. I didn’t think anything of spending hours in the beautician’s chair. I admit that I don’t feel as glamourous now, but I worked hard on that hair and I’m not trying to work that hard anymore. I could be spending that time and money on other things. I don’t feel like going back to that world.
What is your favorite way to wear your hair now?
I like color. My locks are colored dark brown and highlighted with light brown and shades of blonde. The highlights make it interesting.
Do you currently have a stylist that you love?
My stylist is Gervasia of Butterfly Naturals in Springfield.
What products does your hair love now?
Since I’ve had locks I haven’t been vested in any products. My stylist has her own line of products that she uses. It’s called the Butterfly Naturals System.
If you could go back in time and talk to your younger self, what would you tell her about her hair?
I would tell my younger self “don’t perm your hair. Even though everyone else is doing it, don’t do it. And, create your own products for your hair”. Back then, we didn’t have as many products as we have now and I didn’t know what to do with my natural hair.
Have you made peace with your hair?
I’ve always been at peace with my hair. I’ve never been at odds with it. I’ve always used my hair as a way to express myself. I’ve never begrudged it. I gladly spent hours on my hair. I’ve always enjoyed changing it up.
Any final thoughts?
I am grateful that natural hair has been embraced. Now that it has, I do save money and time. We are freer to express ourselves through our hair. Now that people of other cultures see us in our natural hair, it’s no longer unusual.
Thank you, Tisa, for sharing your HAIRstory!
