Stacy, age 49, is a Legal Billing Specialist. She is married and lives in New Jersey.
What is your 1st or strongest hair memory?
When I was a little girl back in the ’70s, I remember a photo studio photographer came to our house to take pictures. Either my mother or my sister did my hair in big Mickey Mouse afro puffs.
What is your favorite or best hair memory?
I started doing my own hair in the 8th grade. My mother let me relax and color it myself. I always liked doing hair. I practiced on my nieces. I have a cosmetology license, although I don’t do anything with it now.
What did you learn and believe about your hair from your mother?
I don’t remember my mother teaching me anything about my hair. She let my sisters or my aunt do it. My aunt was a beautician.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from family and friends?
My hair was thick and long, and I had a babysitter who straightened it with the hot comb. You know when your hair is straight it looks longer, so the kids on the block wanted to touch it. My babysitter told me not to let anyone touch or play in my hair.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from society and the media?
Back then, I believed that your hair made you beautiful. If your hair was not together or if it didn’t look nice, then you don’t look beautiful.
What were your favorite hairstyles in your elementary and high school years?
In elementary school, I parted it down the middle and wore two cornrows down each side, two big ponytails with barrettes on the end, or a bang and one French braid down the back. In high school, I started getting cuts, so I wore a Salt n Pepa asymmetrical bob.
Were you ever teased or ridiculed about your hair?
Not when I was younger, but after I went natural and cut my hair short, a few people made negative comments about it.
Were you ever made to feel ashamed or wrong about your hair?
No one ever made me feel ashamed or ridiculed me, but I put the shame on myself. I think it was self-ridicule because I didn’t go natural by choice, I developed alopecia. Thinning hair runs in my family, and after years and years of relaxing, I started to develop bald spots on my scalp. My edges were already thin from wearing too-tight braids. I went to a dermatologist for cortisone shots and she told me that I had to stop relaxing my hair because the spots were becoming more noticeable. I wasn’t ready for natural, so I wore wigs for a while, but I found them to be hot, sweaty and uncomfortable. I finally went to a natural hair care shop and took my wig off. She cut off the dead hair and sold me some products to use so that I would be comfortable without the wig. She sent me to a barbershop for a shape up and that was the first time I walked outside in my natural hair as an adult. My hair was about one inch long and I was so self-conscious! I work in a law firm with people who are not African-American and I felt like they wanted to ask me about it, but they didn’t.
Oprah tells a story about losing her hair after a bad perm. Do you have any hair tragedies?
Losing my hair to alopecia is one tragedy but I have a few. When I was in cosmetology school, sometimes we would practice on each other’s hair. My classmate colored my hair, but I think it was too soon after I relaxed it because my hair fell out in the sink!
Another time, I had braids and I started taking them out, but I was rushing, and I didn’t detangle my hair before I washed it and my hair locked up in knots and clumps and I could not get them out! I called out of work and had to go to my mother’s house so that she could detangle my hair. I felt like a kid sitting on the floor between my mother’s knees as she detangled each knot. She used conditioner and a rat tail comb, and it was like a workday because it took her about eight hours to get all the knots out. I lost a lot of hair that day.
After I went natural, I went to a stylist who specialized in natural hair and asked her to just clip my ends and give my hair a little shape. I told her that I was self-conscious because of the bald spots and my thin edges, I didn’t want it too short. When I tell you, this lady cut my hair so short that you could see every spot! She cut my hair wet, and I told her that I have shrinkage, but she didn’t listen to me! I came home and my husband said, “what happened?!”. I felt self-conscious for weeks and I almost put the wig back on. I felt like I was never going to let anybody cut my hair again!
What were your favorite hairstyles in your 20s and 30s?
I liked a rod set or anything that would last about a week and a half. I liked doobies, wraps, and finger waves in the front and curls in the back.
Looking back, what is your funniest hair experience? It may not have been funny then, but it’s funny now.
When my hair knotted up after taking the braids out, but during those eight hours that it took my mother to get the knots out she helped me calm down and relax.
What transitions have you been through?
When I was young, cornrows sometimes with beads, two-strand flat twists, ponytails, press and curl, Vigarol, then I started relaxing it in the 8th grade and wore it relaxed for about 25 years until I went natural in 2010, the year I turned 40.
Have you made any drastic decisions about your hair? If so, were they tied to anything happening in your life at that time?
Going natural was the most drastic decision I made, and again it was not by choice. In the beginning, I was completely chemical-free. I didn’t color it and even the shampoos and conditioners I used had to be natural. I’m not so rigid about it now because I got bored looking at the same color all the time.
Have you ever allowed your hair to stop you from doing something you wanted to do?
Swim. I would get in the water when my hair was relaxed but I don’t get in now because of my scalp.
What do you believe about your hair now?
I carry this hair; this hair doesn’t carry me. My hair is not what makes me beautiful. It doesn’t matter how I wear my hair, I carry it, and I look good.
What is your favorite way to wear your hair now?
Just like this, wash and go.
Do you currently have a stylist that you love?
I had a stylist that I loved, Jennifer, however, she recently passed away. I went to her only about once per year to get my ends clipped. Jennifer listened to me and was gentle with me because of my issues.
What products does your hair love now?
I love Camille Rose Curl Maker and Moisture Milk, I use it every morning on dry hair. I love Mielle Avocado Moisturizing Hair Milk and Flexible Hold Edge Gel. I also use Miss Jessie’s Hold Me Down Super Edge Control Hair Gel.
If you could go back in time and talk to your younger self, what would you tell her about her hair?
Don’t take your hair for granted and moisturize! It’s so important because dry hair will just break completely off.
Why aren’t you doing anything with your cosmetology license?
I used to work two evenings per week and Saturdays at a salon in Jersey City, but it’s too much to do on a part-time basis. I wanted to own a shop. I got my license because I like doing hair and wanted to learn, but I’m not doing anything with it now.
Have you made peace with your hair?
I think I have. I’ve come a long way since I got that first natural haircut. I’m comfortable in my skin and with my alopecia. When I initially cut my hair back in 2010, fewer women were natural, and since I didn’t do it by choice, it was a lot for me. But now, I’m comfortable with my hair and how I’m carrying it. However, even though I’m comfortable, I don’t know if I would be natural now if I didn’t have to be.
Any final thoughts?
I’m blessed and grateful that I love my curl pattern. People stare at my hair and ask me if I have a double strand twist and they’re shocked when I tell them this is my hair. Some people must work hard to get these cute little curls.
Thank you, Stacy, for sharing your HAIRstory!
