Myisha

Myisha, age 42, is a cybersecurity project manager. She is single and has two sons, ages 18 and 14. She lives in Maryland.

What is your first or strongest hair memory?

I remember that my mother did my hair every single day. There was no walking out the door without having my hair done. 

What is your favorite or best hair memory?

As I got older and finally learned to deal with and appreciate my curls.

What did you learn or believe about your hair from your mother?

I learned that curly hair needed to be tamed. It almost felt like an extension of myself, as if my personality needed to be tamed! I remember a few years ago, Dove came out with products for curly hair. There was a commercial where a mother is trying to make her little girl sit so that she can tame her wild curls. The girl broke free and ran away because she doesn’ t want to be tamed, and I thought ‘Yes! that is so me!’

What did you learn or believe about your hair from family and friends?

That curly hair should be straightened, not wild and free. My mother is Puerto Rican and my father is African-American. My mom told me a story that when she was dating my father, some family members made comments such as ‘what are you doing with this man? If you have his baby, what will her hair look like?’ In Puerto Rican culture we have a saying “mejorar la raza”, which means you should always better your race, which to them, meant marrying a lighter-skinned man.

What did you learn or believe about your hair from society and the media?

That I never fit in anywhere. My hair wasn’t “black” enough and it wasn’t straight enough at the same time. No one knew how to deal with it, because back then there were no products for my hair texture. It was tough, so I relaxed it for a while just so I could deal with it.

What were your favorite hairstyles in your elementary and high school years?

In elementary school, my mother put it in two pigtails. She pulled it super tight, almost brushing down to my eyebrows to make sure all the hair was pulled tight into the pigtail. Sometimes, my aunt did my hair and she would give me four, six or eight pigtails and I loved that. In high school, I blew it out straight with a blow dryer and a brush once a week to straighten it.

Were you ever teased or ridiculed about your hair?

No

Were you ever made to feel ashamed or wrong about your hair?

No, the message that I got was to just deal with it. But I do remember that when I went to the salon, they always tried to force a relaxer on me so that their job would be easier.

Have you made any drastic decisions about your hair? If so, were they tied to anything happening in your life at that time?

Laughs. Yes! I remember I separated from my ex-husband in a very dramatic fashion on October 14, 2010. On October 15, 2010, I had a hair appointment that I waited three months for, so I kept my appointment. I got my usual cut, but then I decided I needed highlights. My stylist showed me the color palette and I chose this awful shade of bright red. Looking back, in my mental state it was probably not the time to make any decisions. Well, it was terrible! It was bright red and looked like yarn. What was I thinking? Oh right, I remember what I was thinking. I got them fixed at my next appointment. I learned to never make major decisions while under stress.

What were your favorite hairstyles in your 20s and 30s?

In my 20s, I wore my hair exactly the same as I had in high school. I stopped relaxing but I blew it straight every week in the winter and wore it curly in the summer. In my 30s, my cousin told me about Ouidad (pronounced Wee-dod) salons. They have special cuts that debulk the hair which allows the curls to be accentuated. There are Ouidad salons in New York and Florida, and there are stylists all over who are trained in the Ouidad method. For the past nine years, I’ve been going to a Ouidad stylist for my cut every three months. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve embraced my curls.

Looking back, what is your funniest hair experience? It may not have been funny then, but it’s funny now.

During my freshman year in college, there was a formal where everyone just wore their prom dresses. I went to college in upstate New York and there were no Latino hairdressers. I took my prom pictures to a black salon and asked them to replicate the style. I could tell it was not going to work by the brush she used to try to get my hair straight. I ended up with this bird’s nest on top of my hair. I went with it, but from then on I didn’t go to any salons in college. I just did it myself.

What transitions have you been through?

Pigtails, curly ponytails with bangs, relaxers, blowing out straight, and natural.

Have you ever allowed your hair to keep you from doing something you wanted to do?

No, that is the reason I stopped blowing my hair out straight. I enjoy working out regularly and I don’t want my hair to stop me. The last time I worked out after straightening it, I had a big puffball on top of my head and I thought “I’m not dealing with this”. 

What is your favorite way to wear your hair now?

My natural curls! I get my Ouidad cut every three months. I wash it once or twice a week and I don’t need as much product as before. I love my curls and I haven’t always been able to say that. 

What products does your hair love now?

Ouidad Whipped Curls Daily Conditioner & Styling Primer followed by Kinky Curly Curling Custard. I only reapply after I wash it.

Do you have a stylist that you love?

Morgan from Salon Red in Gaithersburg MD for my cuts and highlights every three months. She is a Ouidad certified stylist. 

What do you believe about your hair now?

I love it! I never thought I would get to this point. Today, I can throw my hair into a messy ponytail and leave the house, which I NEVER would’ve done back in the day. My hair is beautiful in its natural curly state. I remember I was working at a table at a conference. Women kept coming up to me telling me how beautiful my curls were and it was amazing, I had never had an experience like that.

Have you made peace with your hair?

Yes! Definitely! 

Any final thoughts?

Even though someone is perceived as having “good” hair, and I hate that term, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t struggle with her hair. I’ve come a long way in learning to love and appreciate my hair and just to let it be. I don’t even part my hair anymore, I just let it part wherever it wants to part. I let the curls decide. My curls are a metaphor for my life. When I found freedom, I also let my mane go free! 

Thank you, Myisha, for sharing your HAIRstory!