Melissa

Melissa, age 52, is a registered cardiac nurse. She is married and has two sons ages 23 and 21, and one daughter, age 17. She lives in New Jersey. 

What is your 1^st or strongest hair memory?

I was young when I started doing my own hair. My mom was always working. I was in the fourth grade and I remember washing it, rolling it, and wearing my favorite hairstyle to school, a curly afro.

What is your favorite or best hair memory?

Getting my first relaxer in the sixth grade. It was a Vigarol, which smelled like rotten eggs, but it made my hair straight, or so I thought. 

What did you learn and believe about your hair from your mother?

Nothing really, my mother didn’t concern herself with my hair. We didn’t talk about it. When my sister and I look at our old pictures, we say “didn’t anybody own a comb?!”. I thought I was cute, but when I look at those old pictures, my hair was a mess. It’s probably why I don’t concern myself with my hair now.

What did you learn or believe about your hair from family and friends?

I had older cousins who washed, permed or straightened their own hair. By watching them, I learned that if you wanted “nice” hair you had to straighten and style it. Nice equaled straight and styled and not nappy. I remember them saying, “you better clean your kitchen”, meaning straighten the hair on the back of your head.

What did you learn or believe about your hair from society and media?

Straight hair was nice and if your hair was kinky or frizzy it was unkempt and unprofessional. I didn’t like dreadlocks for a long time because of this belief. 

What were your favorite hairstyles in your elementary and high school years?

In elementary school, my curly afro or two cornrows parted down the middle, from front to back, or ponytails. By seventh grade, I was giving myself a French perm.  In high school, I had a perm, so I parted it on the side and pulled it back to look asymmetrical. I also flipped and feathered it.  

Were you ever teased or ridiculed about your hair?

No, I did my best to make my hair look cute, so I wouldn’t get teased.

Were you ever made to feel ashamed or wrong about your hair?

The first time I wore a natural curly twist out to work, one of the doctors actually looked at me and said, “Melissa, what’s going on with your hair?”.  Another black nurse and I laughed, I guess he noticed something different, but I couldn’t believe he made a comment about my hair.

Oprah tells a story about losing her hair after a bad perm. Do you have any hair tragedies?

Because I was young, and I wasn’t taking care of it properly, it got matted. I tried to comb it, but my hair was coming out. Also, doing my own perms, I left it in too long because I thought it would make it straighter, but I remember burning my scalp with the chemicals.  

What were your favorite hairstyles in your 20s and 30s?

I rocked every version of the mushroom. I wore it in a shag, long in the back and short in the front. I had box braids once with extensions, I liked the style, but it took too long to put in.

What transitions have you been through?

Press and curl, Vigarol, I did home relaxers for ages and ages, box braids, weaves for special occasions, now I’m natural and I wear my natural curls, or a rod set and flat twists.

Have you made any drastic decisions about your hair? If so, were they tied to anything happening in your life at that time?

Two years ago I made the decision to stop perming it after about 40 years. It wasn’t tied to anything drastic. My hair was thin and damaged. It was falling out and had stopped growing. I was tired of maintaining a relaxer every six weeks.

Have you ever allowed your hair to stop you from doing something you wanted to do?

Swimming

What do you believe about your hair now?

It’s nice and easy-breezy after all those years of high maintenance relaxing. My hair is more manageable and I’m not using all the products I used before. I don’t worry about it being straight and long, which I used to equate with “nice” hair. When I was perming it, I always thought going natural would be harder that what it is. I was worried about how it was going to look and if it would fit my face.

What is your favorite way to wear your hair now?

In a short curly wash and go afro, or a twist out which gives the curl definition and makes the style lasts longer.

Who is your current stylist?

Ann Marie at Statement Hair in South Orange NJ

What products does your hair love now?

Carol’s Daughter Black Vanilla Moisture and Shine Hair Sheen; Crème of Nature Coconut Milk Essential 7 Treatment Oil; Palmers Olive Oil Conditioning Spray Oil; I use whatever shampoo and conditioner my daughter uses, usually without sulfates.

If you could go back in time and talk to your younger self, what would you tell her about her hair?

I would tell myself that your hair can be managed if you treat it right; wash it and condition it, moisturize it, have a weekly routine, take care of it and don’t neglect it.

Have you made peace with your hair?

Yes, I have.

Any final thoughts?

At my age, I’ve learned to go with the flow when it comes to my hair. At this stage of my life, I’m doing what makes me happy, keeping it short, sassy and low maintenance.

Thank you, Melissa, for sharing your HAIRstory.