Jeanell, age 54, is a workers’ compensation claims analyst. She is married and has one daughter, age 24. She lives in New Jersey.
What is your first or strongest hair memory?
My father straightening my hair with the hot comb the night before Easter; he helped to raise his female cousins so he knew how to straighten hair. He straightened my hair and my sisters’ hair before Easter or for a special occasion.
What is your favorite or best hair memory?
Throughout my childhood, teens and through college into my 30s, I remember my hair was thick, full, and long.
What did you learn and believe about your hair from your mother?
In the beginning, I learned that your hair is part of what makes a man attracted to you. Your hair should be long and pretty. But I also remember learning that as you go through different phases of life, hair becomes less important. I remember when my mother turned 50, she cut off all of her shoulder-length hair and started wearing it really short. My father yelled at me for allowing her to cut her hair like it was my fault! I said to him, ‘the last time I checked she was grown!’ My mother passed away recently and she never grew her hair long again. She knew that my father liked it long, but as she got older and grew into her own identity she realized that she could wear her hair any way she wanted. I learned that even though I no longer have long, full hair, it does not change who I am.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from family and friends?
I always had long, thick hair, and my family always equated me with that. Even my daughter questions what happened to my hair. Unfortunately, due to various medications, my hair is no longer long or thick.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from society and the media?
Society tells us definitely that our hair should be straight! I previously worked in state government, where the atmosphere was more relaxed and all hairstyles were “acceptable”. Currently, I work in private industry with mostly white men. There are three black women in my department. Two of us have straight hair and one woman wears her hair in natural styles, such as Bantu knots, or really low, almost bald. I see with my own eyes that she is not treated the same way as me or the other woman. I believe that she is dismissed or negated when it comes to getting information from people. I can go to the same people and ask questions and they will give me the information that I need. The three of us are professionals, all dressed properly, the only difference is her hair. So I believe that there is a difference in how we are treated based upon our work environment and how we choose to wear our hair.
What were your favorite hairstyles in your elementary and high school years?
My mother parted my hair down the middle and made two ponytails with a bang. When I was 10 or 11, I started doing my own hair and would part it down the middle and make two cornrows because it was quick and easy. When I started wearing it out, I parted it on the side and wore the flip under “mushroom” or flipped the front out and curled the back under.
Were you ever teased or ridiculed about your hair?
No
Were you ever made to feel ashamed or wrong about your hair?
Not until recently, when I started taking a blood pressure medication that caused my hair to break off and stop growing. My doctor said that hair loss is not a side effect. But I don’t believe that because I know several women on the same medication who are also experiencing hair loss and breakage. My daughter asked me if I was taking care of my hair and I explained about the medications. I don’t get teased or ridiculed but because my hair is so different now, I do get questioned about the current state of my hair.
Oprah tells a story about losing her hair after a bad perm. Do you have any hair tragedies?
No
What were your favorite hairstyles in your 20s and 30s?
I didn’t have a favorite hairstyle in my 20s. Once I got my hair cut into the “envelope”; short in the back and feathered inward and I hated it. For maintenance, I need it all one length. In my 30s, I liked the twists or large braids into a bun because it’s was convenient and I didn’t have to fuss with my hair. I no longer do styles that pull on my hair and scalp because it’s too sensitive.
Looking back, what is your funniest hair experience? It may not have been funny then, but it’s funny now.
In college, I let my good friend give me a relaxer. She put it on and then the phone rang. She proceeded to have a long telephone conversation. I remember it started to burn, and I asked her “is this supposed to burn?” She hung up the phone and rushed me to the sink to wash it out. Thank God, back then my hair was resilient and it didn’t fall out.
I remember going to a new hairdresser and trying to explain what I wanted. She did not listen to me and gave me some Avant Garde hairstyle. It was awful. I looked like Beaker the Muppet. I never went back.
These days I usually just pull it back and wear a hairpiece. One day I was running late to work and forgot my hairpiece, no elastic band, nothing! I had to run to Walmart to get elastic bands. I felt so self-conscious. My coworker asked, “your husband didn’t tell you your hair wasn’t on?” (Laughs.)
What transitions have you been through?
Straightened, cornrows, relaxers, goddess braids, twists, never flat ironed too much heat and never colored.
Have you made any drastic decisions about your hair? If so, were they tied to anything happening in your life at that time?
No, I’m consistent, I don’t do anything too drastic. I’ve never done any drastic cuts or color.
Have you ever allowed your hair to stop you from doing something you wanted to do?
Yes, swimming, I like being in the pool, I’ll sit poolside but I won’t get in.
What do you believe about your hair now?
I still really would like it to be a little longer, but I know that may not be the case for me. So I’ll have to deal with it the way it is. Since I don’t color it, it’s becoming grayer, so I buy hair pieces with some gray coloring.
What is your favorite way to wear your hair now?
I relax my own hair every eight weeks. I use a child relaxer because it’s milder. I usually just pull it back into a small bun and attach a hairpiece. If I’m not going anywhere special, I’ll just wear it pulled back without the hairpiece. It’s long enough to pull into a bun, but I do have a small patch where it’s only about a half-inch long, it’s just starting to grow back in that spot. I wear the hairpiece to cover the thin spots and areas where it hasn’t grown. Recently, I’ve stopped bothering my hair. I don’t wash it as frequently so as not to strip the natural oils, I don’t apply heat, and I don’t clip my ends as often since it’s already so short in spots.
Do you currently have a stylist that you love?
No
What products does your hair love now?
I use a relaxer made for children: Africa’s Best Kids Organic Original Conditioning Relaxer System. To promote growth I use Wild Growth hair oil on my scalp and a little in my hair, especially where the hair is really short. I massage it in that spot and I’ve gone from nothing to about a half-inch of hair. I also use Africa’s Best Kids Originals Soft Hold Styling Pomade & Hairdress for moisture. I use cheap shampoos and conditioners like Suave or Mane and Tail.
Have you made peace with your hair?
Yes and no. I still wish it would grow faster and that it was a little longer. I don’t think it will ever grow back to the length it was before. When it comes to the color, I’m okay with the gray. I’m not coloring my hair, that’s too much work and maintenance. I’d rather leave it be and get hairpieces to match the graying pattern.
Any final thoughts?
If I knew in my 20s what I know now about my hair, I would not have taken it for granted. I know now that it’s important to take care of your hair and your health in general because your body changes and hair is an important part of your body. You don’t want to look back and feel regret because you wish your hair was thick and long like it was when you were younger.
Jeanell, thank you for sharing your HAIRstory!
