Kear, age 50, is a social worker and part-time college professor. She is single and has a daughter, age 18. She lives in New Jersey.
What is your first or strongest hair memory?
Getting my hair washed and plaited in the evening so that it would dry all day and night. Then getting it pressed and curled the next day and getting burned with that hot curler.
What is your favorite or best hair memory?
In my 30’s, I went to a stylist and she cut my hair in layers that I loved.
What did you learn and believe about your hair from your mother?
Do it yourself! I loved getting my hair washed, but I knew that she was going to burn me with that hot comb or hot curler and that made me anxious, even though I knew she didn’t do it on purpose. Then if I moved, she would tap me. She wasn’t gentle so to avoid getting burned; I learned to do it myself. I learned that my hair had to be done and it had to be long. I could not go anywhere with my hair looking crazy. I think maybe she believed that my hair represented her. It’s interesting; my mom always liked long hair even though she wore wigs all the time. I think her hair was natural underneath the wig. I think she equated length with some type of status and I know that I did the same with my daughter. It should be at least shoulder length.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from family and friends?
I learned that my hair had to be straight and had to be done. If it wasn’t done, maybe if I wore it plaited after washing, I would get comments like “yuk!” But I would go outside in my plaits, it felt good! But I remember thinking, ‘I’m outside, in my plaits, but tomorrow after my hair is pressed, I’m going to be looking cute’. I didn’t care if they laughed.
What were your favorite hairstyles in your elementary and high school years?
I started doing my own hair in 5th or 6th grade when I taught myself to cornrow. I always did some variation of cornrows and a ponytail. I might put one cornrow in the front or side and the rest in a ponytail. My grandmother taught me how to turn brown paper bags into curlers so that I could avoid the hot curler. When I was a senior in high school, my mother let me get my first perm for senior pictures. She knew someone who worked at Hahnes salon in downtown Newark and she trusted her to put in my first perm. I got a short layered bob that I loved.
Were you ever teased or ridiculed about your hair?
No
Were you ever made to feel ashamed or wrong about your hair?
No
Oprah tells a story about losing her hair after a bad perm. Do you have any hair tragedies?
Yes, two tragedies. In my 20’s, I attempted to put honey blonde streaks in my hair. At that time, I wasn’t going to the salon, I was doing everything myself. Initially, the color came out fine, but a few days later, my hair started breaking. I heard it pop when I combed it. My hair was so thin. I don’t know if the dye was too strong or if I left it on too long. The truth is I didn’t know what I was doing.
In my 30’s, I decided to go to a braid shop to get cornrows. I learned that women from African countries braid differently than women from the Caribbean. The woman braided my hair so tightly that my edges came out. Days later, I remember the braid lifted and I could see that my hair was gone. I assume the follicle was also gone because my edges never came back.
What were your favorite hairstyles in your 20’s and 30’s?
In my 20’s, I wore an asymmetrical bob with gold earrings, ‘bamboo earrings at least 2 pair’! In my 30’s, I wore a layered bob. Girl! I loved that cut!
Looking back, what is your funniest hair experience? It may not have been funny then, but it’s funny now.
When I look at my old school pictures, I think ‘Mom, did you really do my hair?’ Because I think I look crazy. I hated the pigtails because I thought I was too old to wear them, but I had a very young looking face. I remember one day, my mom put my hair in one big ponytail but it did not look good! It was sticking up in the top, with those sideburn curls. I tried to wrap it around to make it look right, but it was just a mess. That’s when I decided to take over doing my own hair.
What transitions have you been through?
Press n curl, perm, short, natural, half wigs, full wigs, weaves, braids, dyed only once because the honey blonde incident traumatized me.
Have you made any drastic decisions about your hair? If so, were they tied to anything happening in your life at that time?
Not really. I’ve always been conservative about the length of my hair. I did cut it off once because it was breaking.
Have you ever allowed your hair to stop you from doing something you wanted to do?
Oh yes, swimming, exercise, sex, sleep. If my man wanted to have sex and I just got my hair done, I said, “No sir, I just got my hair done”. I’ve had sleepless nights because I slept propped up or straight up to preserve my hair. I had a friend with a convertible and while I thought it was cool, the top had to be up if my hair was done. Back in the day, I had a Nissan Pulsar with a T-top roof, but the roof had to be on. I’ve almost missed work because I didn’t like my hair.
What do you believe about your hair now?
I don’t even know how to answer that because I do not really like my hair right now. I still have the mentality that it should look good and that I still need the length, which keeps me from cutting it. I also believe that my hair should be healthy. I’m thinking of going back to the ‘creamy crack’ because it would be so much more manageable, but I don’t want to risk my hair’s health. If I had a perm, I could be driving my T-Top Pulsar! (Laughs.) Right now I’m torn between staying natural and possibly cutting it or going back to the perm. I don’t want to go through another transition right now, because my curl is tight and my hair needs to look right. I have a cabinet full of products and drawers full of scarves and curlers, yet I’m still seeking the products that will make my hair look ‘right’ and give me the look that I want. I don’t know which way to go and I don’t like it, because I need to move. I’m used to making decisions and I don’t understand why I can’t make a decision about this right now.
What is your favorite way to wear your hair now?
I don’t have a favorite way right now. It’s natural but it’s usually braided and in some type of protective style. I need to do something but I’m apprehensive. I’m trying to figure it out. I think I’m ready for the big chop, but it’s difficult to let go of old thought processes.
What products does your hair love now?
I have a cabinet full of products. Now, I’m using Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair Cleansing Cream Shampoo and Hydrating Cream Conditioner; Aunt Jackie’s Fix My Hair Flaxseed Intensive Repair Conditioning Mask; argan oil; and a restructurizing treatment for my edges.
Do you have a stylist that you love?
Patricia Jackson in Jersey City does my weaves. All of my stylists in the past have been good. They all helped me learn how to take care of my hair.
Have you made peace with your hair?
No, not yet, I’m indecisive about keeping my length, staying natural, cutting it, or getting a perm. I’m trying different things hoping to find peace.
Any final thoughts?
I wonder how much of what I’m going through is my own thinking, how much is society and how much is due to how I was raised. Natural hair wasn’t acceptable when I was growing up and it’s harder for me to let it go and be free. I’m cautious because even though society is more amenable to natural hair now, I still worry about how society will see me based on my hair. In the past, I never would wear a wig or weave. I’m happy that society has grown to accept our various expressions of hair.
Thank you, Kear, for sharing your HAIRstory!
