Jean is a 53-year-old college professor. She is single and lives in New Jersey
What is your first or strongest hair memory?
In the kitchen, with my two sisters and my mother, getting our hair straightened with the hot comb. She always talked on the phone while doing our hair. She was distracted and we always got burned.
What is your favorite or best hair memory?
I remember the first time I got a relaxer and I was able to go to the beauty parlor by myself. I was about 13 or 14 and I felt like a “big girl” because I walked there by myself. It was a rite of passage or a milestone because it meant no more sitting on the floor between my mother’s knees to get my hair done. I felt like I had moved from being a little girl to a young woman.
What did you learn and believe about your hair from your mother?
I learned that my hair had to be “done”. It should be neat and combed either in ponytails or braided. It was very important for my hair to be groomed.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from family and friends?
I learned that growing up or the rite of passage meant moving from braids, ponytails, and the hot comb to a relaxer.
What did you learn or believe about your hair from society and the media?
I learned the same thing that I learned from family and friends, that I had to go through designated stages with my hair. As a young Black girl, you had to wear braids and ponytails, then eventually you moved or “graduated” into getting a relaxer and wearing it straight. Now, I’m learning that you can do your own thing with your hair. Whatever you want to do is okay! You can wear it natural, relaxed, locked, get a weave, braids or dye it pink if you like. This goes for all textures because now even white people wear locks! Anything goes. I also love that there are so many natural hairstyles. I watch Insecure with Issa Rae and she wears 2-3 natural styles in each episode and I love that.
What were your favorite hairstyles in your elementary and high school years?
In elementary school, I wore cornrows in the front with two afro puffs. I loved that hairstyle! I also wore long pigtails with bows and bangs. In high school, I rolled my hair every night in sponge rollers or those hard plastic rollers. I don’t know how I slept in those hard rollers every night but my curls were tight and my hair grew long and thick.
Were you ever teased or ridiculed about your hair?
No
Were you ever made to feel ashamed or wrong about your hair?
No, but when I get compliments now on my natural hair, I think that folks think that I need the compliment, but I really don’t.
Oprah tells a story about losing her hair after a bad perm. Do you have any hair tragedies?
Yes, I had acne forever and at one point, it got really bad, so I took some medication that dried up all the oil in my skin. It worked too well because it made my scalp so dry that my hair fell out! I started wearing extensions and weaves to make my hair look fuller so that I could get the styles that I had before.
What were your favorite hairstyles in your 20s and 30s?
In my 20s, I wore the shag, long in the back and short in the front with a bang or feathered to the back. In my 30s I wore extensions and weaves, usually parted in the middle or on the side and straight, wavy or curly.
Looking back, what is your funniest hair experience? It may not have been funny then, but it’s funny now.
(Laughs) My mother went out of town and we stayed with one of her girlfriends. It was the night before picture day and she did my hair in this crazy ponytail and it was jacked up! Also, I remember my father did my hair once and messed it up.
What transitions have you been through?
As a little girl afro puffs, ponytails and braids, straightened with the hot comb, relaxer, extensions, weaves, wigs, and now natural. When the weather is cold I wear wigs, my sister calls them my “hair hats”.
Have you made any drastic decisions about your hair? If so, were they tied to anything happening in your life at that time?
No, I’ve actually been natural for quite a while, but I wore extensions and weaves. I stopped the extensions and the weaves because my scalp became more sensitive and wearing them was no longer comfortable. Plus, I got tired of sitting in the beautician’s chair for hours. It wasn’t working for me anymore. I wear my natural hair short now, but only because I want to, it wasn’t tied to any drastic decisions.
Have you ever allowed your hair to stop you from doing something you wanted to do?
Getting in water and going places; if my hair wasn’t done I wouldn’t go out.
What do you believe about your hair now?
The texture is beautiful! I love to touch it. I always thought of my hair as nappy, but anyone can have curly hair with the right products. When I use my products, it curls up like nobody’s business! I have to stop myself from touching it all the time and messing up the curls.
What is your favorite way to wear your hair now?
My beautician coils it with a comb and I wear wigs when I want a different look or when it’s cold.
Do you currently have a stylist that you love?
For the past 30 years, I’ve been going to Cynthia at Divine Touch in Jersey City.
What products does your hair love now?
I use a brand that I found on Instagram. It’s called The Curl Definition System by Serriah Le. I use the Curl Primer for Coils Curl Training Mold, Curl Defining Gel, and Conditioning Mist. I also use Mane Choice Growth Oil.
If you could go back in time and talk to your younger self, what would you tell her about her hair?
Don’t worry because it will grow back! The first time my hair started falling out due to the acne medicine, I remember being so upset. But it grew back. Recently, my stylist had to cut it really short because I had some damage after doing it myself during the pandemic. This time, I didn’t worry, because I love it short and it grows back.
Have you made peace with your hair?
Of course! I love the ease and versatility of my hair. I love to touch it. I love that I can change my look by putting on a wig.
Any final thoughts?
I remember attending an African Pride festival and I saw so many different natural hairstyles, lengths, and textures. It makes me happy that we can do whatever we want with our hair. I’m at the point in my life where I do what makes me happy and what makes me feel good.
Thank you, Jean, for sharing your HAIRstory!
