Donna

Donna, age 49, is a leasing and resident associate. She is married and has one son age 26. She lives in North Carolina.

What is your first or strongest hair memory?

Getting my hair washed in the kitchen lying on the counter with my head in the kitchen sink while my mother, who is a beautician, washed my hair.

What is your favorite or best hair memory?

I was about 16. I wanted an asymmetrical cut like Salt N Pepa and my mother said “that’s not happening!”, so I called it a bob, so she had an idea of what I wanted, but I knew it wasn’t what I really wanted. I admit I used deceit to get the cut that I wanted.  She allowed me to go to a salon to get my hair cut into a “bob”. So, I get my hair cut into this asymmetrical bob and I’m rocking this hairdo in the salon chair, but I know it’s going to be a problem, but what could she do about it? My hair was cut. She walks in the door and sees the longer side at first and she’s okay with it. Then she sees the shorter side and she yells “WHERE IS YOUR HAIR?!” about 3 times!  Now, I’m starting to get scared, but I’m thinking ‘she can’t do anything about it, the hair is not there, she can’t reattach it to my head’. As we leave she is saying, “you deceived me, now I oughtta make you wear a WIG!”. Then she drives and parks in front of a wig store and now I’m crying and begging! Fortunately, she did not make me wear a wig, but I was still scared. The next day I was fantabulous in school with my bob/asymmetrical hairdo.

Were you ever teased or ridiculed about your hair?

No

What did your mother tell you about your hair?

(Laughs.) My hair had a lot of body, it was thick, and I was tender headed. A dermatologist said I had eczema in my scalp and my hair needed to be washed every day. My mom did this when I was about 7 or 8 for a good while. It was tiring and exhausting to wash, blow-dry, press-n-curl or sit under the dryer. Until she finally said, “that’s enough! you’re just gonna have to deal with eczema”.

What did you learn or believe about your hair from family and friends?

That I had thick hair with a lot of body and I didn’t mind trying new things.  I had long hair, but I cut it in my early teens and I felt misunderstood because I cut my hair, but my sisters didn’t cut theirs.

At what age did you start doing your own hair?

About 17, but remember my mother was a beautician. She had a shop in the basement of our house. This sounds great, but she would start my hair, then a paying customer walked in, and I got kicked out of the chair. This meant walking around for hours with half my head done and half not done.

What were your favorite hairstyles in your elementary and high school years?

I loved to wear a high side ponytail. I thought I was “IT!”, I was fly, I was cute, and I was grown because I was 13!! (Laughs.) In high school, of course, I loved my asymmetrical bob.

Oprah tells a story about losing her hair after a bad perm. Do you have any hair tragedies?

I was in 9^th grade about age 14 or 15, I was in discussion and debate with my mom to get my very first haircut, but she didn’t think I would take care of it. The agreement was that I needed to roll my long hair every night for one marking period to prove that I could take care of my hair once it was cut. I thought I was on my way to getting it cut. One night when she was asleep, I washed, and blow dried it myself. She told me she would curl it for me, but she was tired. I wanted to prove that I was responsible, so I decided to curl it myself. So, I plugged in the electric curling iron with the brush attachment, which you should not use with long hair.  I rolled it all the way to my scalp and got that thing caught in my hair. I couldn’t get it out! Fortunately, I did have enough sense to turn it off. I couldn’t unroll it and it was all tangled in my hair about the length of my ear. So, I started sweating like a ‘ho in church’ because now I must wake up my mother to come and help me. She comes downstairs and I show her that I can’t get it out, she asks me why and I say I was trying to be responsible and she said “No, you were trying to be deceitful, you did it on purpose, so you could get your hair cut early”. I had to sit through a long lecture, but she couldn’t get it out either, so she had to cut my hair. It was worth it because I knew I was going to be fly even if I couldn’t talk on the phone for a week. (Laughs!)

What were your favorite hairstyles in your 20s and 30s?

The Halle Berry /Toni Braxton where every single row of curls was freeze-dried and stacked, and a ‘V’ in the back.

Looking back, what is your funniest hair experience? It may not have been funny then, but it’s funny now.

I have two! I was 31 and I went to my regular hairdresser of several years. Well, in the middle of cutting my hair, he took a phone call from his wife and they got into an argument. He took his frustration and anger out on me and proceeded to cut my hair badly! He gave me a saucer bowl cut, it was awful, and I was fat! I looked like a fat boy with big boobs!

I was about 40, I was slicking my hair back with gel on a daily basis. I guess I had so much gel in my hair that it clumped. So, I’m washing my hair and the clump won’t come out. There was a big clump of hair on top of my head in a knot that I could not get out, so I put hot water on it which is what you shouldn’t do, and it just gets worse. So, I get in the shower and I use shampoo and conditioner and I still couldn’t get the knot out. Now, I’m crying in the shower and I yell to my husband to bring me cooking oil and I pour it on my head trying to detangle the knot. Now, I’m standing in a cold shower, because I’ve used up all the hot water and the tub is slippery from the oil.  I yell for my husband again to help me out of the shower, so I don’t slip and fall on all that oil and kill myself, and I still have the knot. I called my mom, who lived hundreds of miles away and she laughed and said, “it can’t be that bad, just make a hair appointment for tomorrow”. I called my hairdresser the next morning in a panic and she squeezed me in. Now I’m in the salon and three Dominican women are surrounding me in the shampoo bowl and they’re all saying “Aye Aye Aye Mami!” repeatedly. They had to cut it. So, for a while, I rocked a Woodstock (from Peanuts). Oh, my goodness, that is hilarious!

What transitions have you been through?

Press n curl, perms, color, long, short, long, braids, weaves, now I love the organic Keratin treatment because I can wear it curly or straight without frizz.

Have you made any drastic decisions about your hair? If so, were they tied to anything happening in your life at that time?

I never thought I would wear braids and weaves. But, I did it because I was working out and I needed the ease, so I made a choice to do what was easier to accommodate my active lifestyle. However, I stopped because the braids were damaging my hair. I realized that I wasn’t spending enough time caring for my own hair in between. I still do it, but not constantly. I need breaks in between.

Have you ever not done something that you wanted to do because of your hair?

Yes! I have stayed in rather than going out, because I had to do too much to my hair to look presentable.

What do you believe about your hair now?

That I make my hair, my hair doesn’t make me. As many hairstyles as I’ve had, I’m not a fan of getting my hair done or doing my own hair, I dread those appointments.

What is your favorite way to wear your hair now?

I like some curl, not silky straight, a little past shoulder length.

What are some of the products that your hair loves now?

Keratin Protein smoothing shampoo; Shea Solutions leave in conditioner, which I get at Dollar Tree; Difeel Sunflower Megacare vitamin E and peppermint oil for my scalp; and EBIN New York 24-hour edge tamer extreme firm hold.

Who is your main stylist now?

Dena Bruton at Reveal You Beauty Studio in Raleigh

Have you made peace with your hair?

I admit, in some ways, I’m still fighting.  I’ve come to appreciate the skills of a licensed hairdresser as opposed to trying to do things on my own or in someone’s kitchen. As a result, I’m willing to pay good money for the keratin treatment because it gives me the lifestyle I want. Even though I pay double what I previously paid for a perm, it lasts twice as long. I can get my hair done and do it myself in between salon appointments. I work out and I don’t sweat my hair out so it’s worth my time and money.

Any final thoughts?

I’m amazed at the beauty and complexity of women and our hair.

Thank you, Donna, for sharing your HAIRstory!